Monday, October 15, 2007

So, what happens next?

Okay, I suck. I ran my half, rocked my personal goal for it, and then what? Fizzled out like a big pansy. What the fuck is wrong with me? I've been running casually for years; it's the thing I love. It's all about me. I'm a runner. Blah blah blah. Yet, as soon as make it goal-oriented, it becomes another chore. All of a sudden it switches from being my reward to myself to the other side. It gets added to the "to do" list. Not good.

Since the half, I have run an average once a week. That's bloody stupid of me. Nothing has changed. My kids have gone back to school, but that should make it easier. It gets darker earlier, and I hate running in the dark, but Joe gets home with plenty of daylight remaining. Excuses. That's what i'm dishing out.

So now i ask myself, how do I solve the problem at hand? How do I shake this lazy nonsense? How do i not keep track of what my mileage is, and what my time was, and just get back to doing it because i love it, because it feels really fucking great? Because right now i feel lost, like now that the half is over, and i did it, what's the next move? The obvious answer is move on to the full. But the full is a year away. Do I plan to casually run once a week until my calender tells me it's time to consult Hal Higdon's training program and start logging the proper mileage? That sucks the fun right out of it, doesn't it?

Besides, if i don't get back to the habits that made me want to do the half, i'll never be able to get my shit together to prepare for a full. The mental part is currently missing. Hopefully not for long, though. I did a 5K this weekend. I love 5Ks. Not so much thinking, not so much preparation, just get out and do it, and try to do it a little faster than last time. My last 5K was with my sister right in the middle of my training, and I remember feeling kind of pissed that i didn't run it to my full potential because i wanted to stay with her. What??? Am i a total fucking asshole? The whole point was to run it together. Why the fuck do i care that i could have done it a minute faster? It's a fucking minute.

Hold on...again, way too much thinking. It's a fucking fun run. I think I can stop beating myself up over it now.

So, back to this weekend's 5K. Totally great race. I met some great people beforehand from the running thread, and I ran it with a friend who didn't want to run it side by side, and like my sister, told me to just take off and not look back (which this time, I did). I felt great the whole race: no pain, no mental crap, no ipod, no thoughts, just total empty-headed selfish running bliss. My favorite part was the final sprint, because as i took off, some chick took off from behind me and sprinted with me all the way to the finish. I didn't let her pass me, but I didn't pass her either. Good rush!! The bad competitive runner in me kind of wishes I had checked her bib to compare result times, but it's better not to know. It's bad enough i'm turning into a crazy running bitch. No need to add stalker to the list.

And not only did I break 30 min, I broke 29!


Tammy said...

Come on, Noelle!

You know, reading this today, it's almost like I could be reading my own words. I have the tendency to reach a goal, then slack and sabotage myself.

You just have to realize that you are doing this to yourself, and it's like you said- get out there just for the joy of it!

Viv said...

Noelle, You just had a small break, which I totally think you deserved. I think this 5K gotcha right back where you were mentally. I could read your excitement on breaking 29 on this weekends 5K. Fantastic, by the way!! So, a full marathon huh, yaa! I am strapping in for that journey with you, and I am positive you will attain that goal. Man, now I am curious about that chic's bib numnber..LOL! So, glad to see you back on ur blog. I missed ya.

Delane said...

LOL..image if you ran with me, you'd have to add 10 min not 1 min. That or I could die trying to keep up you at at mile one.

WTG on breaking 30 min!!!

Amy said...

I love that fact that you are this cute little blondie who drops alot of f-bombs.

It cracks me up!

DoriAnn said...

WTG on breaking 29, Noelle! I hear ya on the feeling lost without a goal. If I don't have a plan I putter around. Sounds like we both need to get out there and run just for the pure enjoyment of the sport.

I'm bummed I missed you at the PITP but I'll be there bright and early for the DG.

mom2mine said...

Hi noelle! It is tjthebusy :) I wanted to drop by and check on you. I haven't seen much of you and I am wondering how things are!

Hope you don't mind, but I linked you on my running blog.

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